Your dad touched me again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
