I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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