he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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