I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize