i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
third nipple confirmed
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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