she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is wine microwaveable?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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