You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm getting married
To pizza
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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