Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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