I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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