My Higher Power is John Stamos
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she told me i tasted like america
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize