Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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