stop calling my apartment porn island.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize