Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
