I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
