he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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