I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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