No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
