Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
