if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
