Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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