He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
