I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
