She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
