i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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