I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
