What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
