but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize