call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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