I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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