why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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