already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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