I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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