a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
