We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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