i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
