If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
