I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
