no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
