last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
