I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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