if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
