I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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