Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
