Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
