He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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