3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
