can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
