There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
