Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
