I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
