I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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