How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
