If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
