when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
