watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I look better un-naked...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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