you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
