Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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