i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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