I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
