i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
