Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What a dumb baby whore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
