You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize