we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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