literally had 100 drinks last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
