she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
