now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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