it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
