One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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