So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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